So I have been feeling very sick these past few days. No... it is not a remnant of the flu that I had last week. It is the thought that we will be getting a letter a week from tomorrow that will tell us where we will be living for the next 6 years. I have never felt anxiety about anything as I do about this. I am having the most difficult time watching and waiting for some computer to decide my fate. AHHHH!!!! I seriously feel as though I am losing my mind. I keep wondering if we ranked the programs correctly or if another order would have been better. I also continue to think about the residencies. Did any of them rank us? If not, we will be staying in NYC for another year while Bryson works on a few research projects at Cornell and re-applies. That would not be the most ideal thing, but I know it is best to remain optimistic about any outcome.
I don't think I can take this type of stress much longer- seriously. Normally I am almost narcoleptic at night when my head hits the pillow, but recently I find myself a ball of nerves at night as my mind races about our future.
We will find out on Monday if we match at all or if we will have to re-apply next year. Then Thursday we open the letter (does this sound like a mission call or what?) that tells us the residency that we have been matched with. We have already signed a contract with all the programs we applied to that states that if we do match, we will go there. It is a done deal.
So I guess I just need to relax and realize that things will turn out well. Bryson and I have been thoughtful and prayerful about our rank list and I know our future is bright. I just will have to deal with the anxiety and lack of sleep until next Thurday!!